Learning Self Power

April 5, 2021

Written by Ariel Pinho

April 5, 2021

Written by Ariel Pinho

As I look at myself in the mirror and see my short hair I wonder, ‘Why did I let him cut it off?’ As women we have been giving our power away for thousands of years and though we’ve come a long way, there are still many subtleties in which we give our power away. My haircut story is an example of it.

After 16 months of breastfeeding my son Jasper, I started planning to wean him. I began searching for a different look, one that connected to this new person I was about to become. For whatever reason I felt attracted to short hairstyles so I sent my hairdresser a few inspiration photos via instagram earlier in January while we were still on our road trip. He was excited to turn my long mermaid hair into a short Chanel style.

By the time I was back in Florida and stopped breastfeeding, it was the end of February and I had already decided I was not going to cut my hair so short. I needed a haircut, but I didn’t want anything too dramatic. The time came to go to my favorite hair salon IGK. As I was sitting on Julian Meca’s chair and thinking ‘A bit shorter is good enough.’ He comes in, super nice and excited as usual, he asked “Are we cutting it short?”

“No, I changed my mind. What do you think?” I replied.

“Hmm your hair is tired, and it needs a haircut,” he answers, “Change is great.”

I could see his excitement for the big change, but inside I knew what was best for me. I ended up saying, “Yes let’s do it,” despite my feelings. In less than two minutes my hair was so short it didn’t even touch my shoulders.

It’s been over one month since I got my haircut and no matter how much I try I just don’t like it. Every time I look in the mirror I think of the moment I gave my power away for being on the fence and not voicing my desires. I said yes when I meant no. Of course it's not Julian’s fault. He’s an amazing hairdresser. He just gave me his opinion and his excitement was enough for me to go with it.

I know my hair will grow back and I’m not overly worried about my looks. This conversation is more of a reminder to ground yourself and not allow others to lead the way. I’m talking about energy here, not hair. When people ask about my haircut I often reply that it was the end of my breastfeeding journey and I was looking for a new look. This is partially true.

The question that remains is how can I stay with my self power as I navigate through life and interact with different people and places? As I mentioned earlier, as women we have been giving our power away for thousands of years and it’s in the collective consciousness to do so, but it doesn’t mean that this non-constructive habit can’t be broken.

Cultivating personal power is a practice, just like everything else. On psychcentral’s article, “How to Stop Giving Away Your Personal Power, and Ways to Take it Back”, I found a statement that works very well for this blog:

“There is power in expressing what we want or need (while being mindful of someone else’s boundaries). When we develop our ‘voice’ we’re taking back our power.”

The same voice that says ‘I love you’ or sings beautiful songs is still so quiet when it comes to different aspects of life. We have learned to stay quiet and not express ourselves, as to not take too much space. As our current reality embraces female power, I’d like to encourage myself and other women to voice their feelings and desires. To exercise our voices. Magic is often on the other side of expressing our truths. To feel boundless, free, and open is available when we exercise staying with ourselves, in our power, as we navigate the world.

Here are some things to keep in mind if you are working on staying with your power:

Being aware of what’s going on inside and having the courage to voice your truth.
Being fully grounded in your body that nobody's energy will take you away from your most intimate wishes and desires.

It certainly is a note to self as much as it's a note for you my dear reader. If you’d like to learn more ways to cultivate your personal power, I've created a self power meditation.